Surrender. For me, the key to living with mysterious illness. A year into its onset every orifice of my body had been thoroughly explored. My life was a blur of doctors and lawyers. My career vanished in flames, erasing my purpose and financial security 🔥 Life as I knew it was over. Bare and humiliated, swinging on this pendulum between the person my friends loved and the tragic inner knowing that I was fundamentally, irrevocably, new and different forever—vacillating between health and death, an underworld cha-cha those of us very sick know all too well— I gave myself over to a force that felt eternal, a sort of cosmic glue. I believed it was there, it had to be, because a terrifying dark evil was engulfing all of me. I could either succumb to its destructive force or become one with reality. There was no other choice but to linger in excruciating physical limbo and face the cold, hard agony that my former self had died. When we feel an alien to our own species we're our most mortal 👽Something huge was happening and I had to stay alive to see it through. Living in awe of the wonder, beauty, and magic of it all— freakishly leaning towards light like a deranged plant in a seventh grade photosynthesis experiment— led me to surprise spiritual awakening. As the last beloved guest departed my 33rd birthday celebration, I felt transcendence... bathed in God's unconditional love, filled with light, divinely protected, my dad's spirit guiding kundalini rising. And so began ten days of mystical revelation 🦄 Pulling the Hanged Man last week exactly 1.5 years later, on Ash Wednesday, my half birthday, felt like affirmation: suspension upside down, clinging to the living Tree of Life, leads us to ultimate intimacy with our souls, a felt sense of interdependence with all existence 🌍 Regeneration comes when we accept the crosses we bear wholeheartedly. I still fear persecution, but what an invocation to contemplate chronic illness as holy sacrifice this Lenten, Piscean season. Deeper | go into the mystic ✨

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